Tag Archives: Asides

According to WebMD, I need a therapist.
According to Twitter, I’m perfectly normal.

A vice is a mistake that you’ve decided you enjoy making.

I almost bought a pistachio-colored Mitsubishi, but I couldn’t open it.

Being an adult means I’m in charge of my own bedtime, and I’ve realized I’m not equipped to handle that responsibility.

My parents always told me I could be whatever I wanted as long as it only took tenacity and not cash.

It takes me about 18 hours to fully wake up. And then it’s time for bed again.

Sometimes I wish my conscience was unconscious.

United now offers passengers up to $10k on overbooked flights. Now they’ll need to drag passengers ON the plane.

Never underestimate my ability to fall short of expectations

How many different places do you look for something before you decide it’s lost?
Men – 2
Women – 1,768