Monthly Archives: April 2016

How I put on deodorant:
1. Apply deodorant.
2. Wait two seconds.
3. Try and remember if you put on deodorant.
4. Re-apply deodorant.

One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
I was extremely lucky and Lilliam ignored my flaws.

Lilliam just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn’t say the decisions I made were good.

Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That’s my grandson telling a story.

Making car payments would be the lease of my worries.

Just pretend the person in the mirror is your fatter clone.