Nov 08
Infectious Disease Associated With Gringos
I was in attendance, the other day, when the ACS visited David. While I was there, I was asked if I knew a good marriage lawyer. The gringo that was asking the question was considering getting married to a Panamanian.
This was one of the most intelligent questions I have been asked by a gringo in a long time. You see most gringos only seek out a marriage lawyer when it is time to get a divorce and end a marriage and then it is too late. The damage has already been done.
Another person that overheard the question asked why marry. Why not just live together. After having this run around in my mind for a while I thought I would share some thoughts.
First to answer the second person’s question. Living together is not without its share of risks. One gringo, in David, that decided to share his house with one or more female companions, wound up shot in the forehead and the case is still outstanding.
Second, I believe there there is common law marriage legislation in Panama and if you live together long enough, then it will be the same as being married as far as the courts are concerned.
A better approach is to do as the first person was doing and seek the advice of a lawyer and understand the laws of Panama first. This is one place where a prenuptial agreement is advisable in my opinion. The female may even suggest it.
They know that most gringos moving here don’t think they have the type of money that requires a prenuptial agreement and it may even build confidence that this relationship is based on love and not money.
They also may have previous experience and know that their best ASSets will separate a gringo from his best a$$et$ quite easily. Even with a prenuptial, I would suggest that you keep all financial accounts in individual names. In other words don’t use joint accounts.
Any purchase of property should also be done in your name and possibly a foundation set up in the event of your death. Again, these are things to discuss with a good lawyer. Your lawyer, not one she may suggest.
If I sound cynical, I am. I have a friend that married a young, 30 years younger than him, Panamanian woman. Notice, I avoided using the word lady. He called me from Volcan one day, almost in tears, and asked if we could meet.
When we met, he told me that the previous day, he went to the bank and his wife had removed $14,000 from the account and only left $2,500 in it. I asked if he had confronted her and he said he had. I asked if he had removed the remaining $2,500 and he hadn’t.
I said he might want to do that. My advice was too late. When he went to close the account, he found it empty. He moved out and moved to David. Within 7 months, she had moved back in with him.
He had caught that infectious disease that is common to many gringos that move to Panama, I think it is called lotsofnooki. They buy these little blue pills to treat the ailment but usually run out of money to buy the pills or die of a heart attack. if the money runs out they may die of a broken heart.
I was at one of my favorite restaurants the other day and there were two gringos there at different tables. Both looked over 60 and one was with a very attractive 20 something year old. He had previously had another woman and when he had gone back to the US for a couple weeks, he returned to find his house had been cleaned out and she was not to be found. Since he was now with another young thing, I knew he had not been inoculated against lotsofnooki, and was obviously infected.
At the other table was a braggadocios gringo that apparently ate at the restaurant often. From what he said, he must have eaten there recently with his young wife, but she wasn’t with him that day. He kept asking the owners if they thought she was too old for him.
Since it sounded like she was at least 30 years younger than him, I wasn’t sure if it was arrogance or ignorance or lotsofnooki that was affecting him.
I should also mention some gringos get infected with another infectious disease called alittlenooki. While they don’t get lotsofnooki, they may pick up some other infections, at the same time they get alittlenooki.
There seems to be a high rate of social diseases that young women give the gringos when they also give them alittlenooki. The general classification of these infections are known as cocksarotten. It is easily diagnosed and if you see a doctor, he will probably ask you if you had recently gotten lotsofnooki or maybe even alittlenooki.
The other thing that many gringos don’t realize, or just don’t care about, is how they appear in public to other people that see them with their young admirers. Everyone knows that they must be getting alittlenooki or even lotsofnooki and may now have cocksarotten and that the only one benefiting from the relationship was the beautiful carrier.
If you are a single gringo coming to Panama and plan on having a long term relationship with a young Panamanian woman, then think about the previous things I have written and consider talking to a Panamanian lawyer. What you learn may not stop you from getting alittlenooki, lotsofnooki, or even cockarotten, but it may protect your a$$et$.
28 responses so far Panama Journal
LMAO…TOO FUNNY!! Don Ray
How about an article on renting?
and before I get hammered for laughing at those who were used for anything…I am laughing at the tone and verbage..not the victims or the loss
Hi rb. Sometimes people remember things more when humor is injected.
Er, Don Ray, getting shot in the head just might happen in any relationship.
And you say, “Only one was benefiting?” Hmmmmm.
Risk versus reward is always a matter of perspective.
Don has started writing poetry again…with a nooki cadence seasoned with humor and wisdom.
I felt the sympathy until this line, “within 7 months ‘she’ had moved back in with him.” Huh? How sorry can you feel for someone who is robbed, and then invites the robber back in?
Once burned, twice shy… or so one would think
[...] PANAMA Infectious Disease Associated With Gringos [...]
Oh, Don Ray!!
I must applaud your ability to instruct and entertain in the same post!! I would clap but that might set you off again and my sides can not take the additional pain from laughter!!
jim and nena
fort worth
Don….You forgot about the other Panamanian social disease……….mycocsadroopin………its so serious that when you get the disease your willy falls off within 2 weeks……….LOL
By the way in Asia the same disease (mycocsadroopin) is called the “hong kong dong”.
If you get this disease and your willy falls off….you can always join the dickey doo club. To be a member your stomach must stick out more than your dickey doo……………….hahahaha!!!
By the way if you have a short willy……you can still join the dickey doo club………LOL
By the way a short willy can be caused from the hawaiian disease known as “lackanooki”
If you don’t know whether your willy or wonka is still there, put a mirror on your scales. It’s safer than finding out through the testimony of another.
Better off relocating to Australia where the sheep outnumber the women by 1,000,000 to 1. Less chance of catching anything but a mild attack of “Wooly Itch”.
Nice article Don.
So, Don…. Who is a good marriage lawyer?
Can’t really say. Haven’t searched for one.
It was a very nice fairy tale with a sad ending. I still don’t get the moral message in it. What I can tell you based on previous experiences living in Panama City is the message some gringos send to locals and the misconceptions within it; blue eyes, American, English is equal to money and a better life. Unfortunately, you will find those gold diggers everywhere and if they find a naive outsider, the outcome will probably be the same. A young woman barely falls in love with an elder fellow unless something else attracks her to him, such as money. We call those “oportunistas” to say the least. Have a super day.
jr
Hi Don: I have been involved with a young (>30 yrs younger) Panamanian lady for over 6 years, we are now married and I am in the process of adopting her young daughter. I am the only father she has ever known. I have lived in Central America almost 15 years (10 in Panama) so I know something about latin women. You will find good and bad women in any country (was married to a gringa for over 25 years and she ran off with some scumbag and nearly wiped me out financially). My Panamanian wife takes better care of me, is a better mother, is a better cook, cleans house like no other, makes sure I take my medicine on time, never complains and is more affectionet than that gringa bitch ever was. Yes, we get stared at some times, mostly by gringos because that is their culture, not the Panamanian culture. And I can tell you that the stares from the gringo are stares of envy, while the stares of the gringa are stares of distaste. Who cares!!! You only go around once, you can’t take your money with you and yes, I am enjoying my second youth blue pills and all.
ps: have two gringo neighbors in the same boat as me and yes, they are also enjoying their second youth!!!!
Hi Juan. There was no moral to the post. As with most things in life it involves many things to determine if something is truly good or bad.
As was seen with Patrick, it is working for him and his friends. Life is short. It is to be enjoyed.
The post was merely intended to raise some red flags to those that don’t realize that the words of affection may be motivated by other factors. I have heard more bad stories than good stories.
Panama has one of the highest incidence rates of all sexual transmitted diseases in Latin America. That should also go into ones thinking before wading into the waters.
Also a full time relationship is probably better than a now and then relationship. I have heard of many men that thought they were in a committed relationship, only to find out that it was committed on Wednesday and Saturday and that she was having committed relationships with two others on different days.
For those that find it works wekk, good for you. For those that are envious and wanting the same, enter with caution.
Hilarious, Don Ray. Tragic possible outcomes, of course, for the horny gringos, but your description is apt and may serve as a warning to anyone who is thinking with the wrong part of his body.
The sad thing is that with some common sense and honourable behaviour by both parties, arrangements like this could be greatly beneficial to everyone involved. Unfortunately, common sense and honour are far too uncommon.
Hi Sieg. Thanks for dropping in and taking the time to leave a comment.
OK, what to look for when entering a long term relationship with a younger latina.
1. Never but never hook up with a cantinera (someone you met in a bar, casino, night club, disco, etc…), the rural places in the country that host a dance once a year are OK. You are never going to meet miss right hanging out at the local Gringo places.
2. Never hookup with a woman from the populated areas (Panama City, Colon, David, Santiago, etc…) you want one from the campo (country), who hasn’t been around the block a couple of times. This is not to say you should look for a dumb bunny but a faily educated girl (at least high school) who can hold a conversation on many levels. They are there and not too hard to find. Their may be some exceptions but I haven’t come across any.
3. You are looking for a rural girl with a large family (not necessary from a large family), whose ties to that family are tight. Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Grandparents, etc… all living close together in which you become part of this family. Speaking Spanish is a must along with total involvement with the family. You must attend all the family events (birthdays, weddings, baptisms, whatever) and always show respect.
4. If she has a young child, it is a plus. Many young girls fall into the trap of being sweet talked by their boyfriend, next thing you know they are pregnant and the boyfriend doesn’t want any part of them, it’s the macho way. Neither does any other of the latino guys, what!!! support anothers guys kid. Open your heart, it’s fun having a young tyke around.
5. Understand the culture, it is completely different from what you’ve been exposed to. Leave your preconceved ideas back where you came from, this is a whole new world. Do not be judgemental, until you’ve walked a 1000 miles in a latinos shoes you have no idea what their life is like.
6. Don’t be cheap, however don’t give away the store until you feel reasonably confident that you have a winner. Be considerate, show your love and you will be rewarded many times over.
I’m sure I left a lot out, there are probably many more things that need to be said. Life in the winter season of your life can be wonderful and rewarding.
Thanks for the comment Patrick.
I haven’t been a regular here, so I am not certain how the software works. However, I want to comment on Patricks #19 & 23.
Hooray for Patrick! His observations are spot on.
If someone is considering a relationship here, use the same common sense that should be used in the northern latitudes, or anywhere else in the world. While there are some differences in circumstances of course, my experience is as happy as Patricks.
Most humorously, I have to comment that all this talk of “enjoying a second youth” puzzles me…. I’m still enjoying my first one!
Cheers!
Dave
Hi OKDave. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Always good to find another having a good time in his first youth.
Great line in “Pretty Woman.” Julia Roberts says to the female dress shop owner, “I’m
not really his niece.” “They never are, dear.”
Gringos are not the only ones subject to this malady. At times in Brazil, I’ve said to myself, “She MUST be his granddaughter.”
That was a great line. I have seen a several couples in David that could have been grandfather and granddaughter. Some times you don’t know if it is real or Memorex.