We Never See Ourselves As Others See Us
Jun 6th, 2008 by Don Ray
Today I stopped in to visit the owners of Organic Life, to see if the post I put in had brought them any visitors. There was a English speaking lady there telling the owner all the things that she liked at Riba Smith in Panama City that he should bring to David.
As I sometimes do, I gave her a card, with the foolish assumption that once and a while there may be something here worth reading. She graciously took it and asked where I lived. I said I lived in David. She replied, “Oh, I live in Boquete” and the tone came across as very condescending. Now maybe I heard her tone wrong, but I don’t think so. The inflection came across that, if I live in David, I can’t have much in my blog of interest to someone that lives in Boquete.
I pass out a fair amount of cards. The reason, I do that, is to get more comments. I believe that more comments bring more factual information about living in Panama to other readers. My opinion may not be the same as others and I am willing to consider their point of view.
I am sure that some people take the card and are a little annoyed and my giving it to them without them asking for it. I understand that. I was in PriceSmart one day and I passed two people talking in English. I offered the gentleman and the lady a card. The gentleman took it and said thanks. The lady rudely said she didn’t want it. I smiled and said it was not a commercial site and wasn’t selling anything (many people think I am going to try to sell them real estate or something). She looked me directly in the eye and said, “I am in a conversation. GOOD BYE”. I apologized for interruption and went on my way.
Now a Panamanian would have take the card, whether he wanted it or not, and said thank you. Rudeness, more often than not, comes from gringos. As I said, I know that some people can get annoyed by my giving them a card. If she thought I was being rude for offering her a card, then maybe she thought I received from her what I deserved.
If there is a point to this post, it is to simply say that everyone needs to have an out of body experience and see themselves as others see them. I include myself in that wisdom. Every time I pass out a card and have a negative experience, I ask myself if I should stop doing it. But after a week goes by, I start thinking that more good comes from people reading CC and putting in their comments, than if they missed the opportunity to tell me in view of the entire world that I am looking at things wrong.
You know, Don, I can’t imagine a better way of pointing up one essential difference between American and Panamanian culture–and one of the reasons why I’m here til I die no matter the minor inconveniences–than your story. Nice job.
As for the boqueteña–Mary and I have two rather dramatic stories, one that happened on our first visit over 4 years ago and one that happened just a few months ago that fit right in with your experience in Organic Living, never mind all the smaller stories. Every time I see rude behavior in David by a gringo, especially an American, I automatically assume it’s a boqueteño. I have no idea where they get their gall.
And you’re wrong–they have PLENTY to learn from your blog. But will they read it or apply it to themselves? That’s a laugh. They’re too d____d arrogant.
I say keep handing out your cards. I also say, as a resident of Boquete, that we do have our share of arrogant and rude gringos who are embarrassing to me and others. I wish it wasn’t so, but……
Thanks Don for all the good information and giggles you provide here!
No one is the boss of you. Of course keep handing out cards. Jut know in advance that there are those who will seem rude and there are those who are rude and rather asleep at the wheel. Let their negative energy just float in and out of you. Give it no response and you’ll be saved any drain. Inside just chuckle that here is another who perhaps after some years here will get ‘the cure’ and respond graciously to all exchanges. Or if they are to set in their ways give them a silent prayer that they may awaken to a peaceful attitude. Personally often as I breath in I inwardly say ‘flower’ and as I breath out I inwardly say ‘fresh’. This was a hint fron Thich Nhat Han a revered Buddhist who has written many splendid books. The above was from ‘Walk In Peace’. namaste.
I agree, Don, keep handing out those cards. When my husband and I visited Boquete the first time, we encountered members of the “Elite Boquete Rudeness Club”. We were sitting in a local restaurant ( I can’t remember the name of it) and we overheard a conversation that two gringos were having about fishing. Their wives had gone to the restroom to rearrange their jewelry and reapply their make-up. My husband, being an avid fisherman, said that he couldn’t help but overhear their conversation about fishing, and he asked them some questions about the local fishing. One EBRC member turned around and glared at us and said, “That is none of your business.”
I guess we weren’t wearing the appropriate attire for the EBRC gringos. The whole atmosphere in Boquete eludes an uppity, snobbish air. And, it’s not because of the locals! We quickly discovered that Boquete was not the place we wanted to live.
dear don ray,
“there is no accoutinn for some folk” truly their loss!
please continue to hand out your cards.
and god bless the panamanians. thank you ellen
ps some times i have”a bad hair day” or become passionate
about something when i am speaking so that may be the case.
Just be yourself and follow your heart. Personally, I couldn’t be without you and your information and I am on your site every day for facts.
Dear Don,
PLease continue giving out the cards, and writing such an interesting blog, between your’s and Joyce’s blog, Living in Potrerillos, I’m getting a real feel for the area, that I was unable to get on my short visit in 2005.
Rude people of any nationality reflect so poorly on their countries, and themselves. I met many Panamanians with a sense of humor and helpfulness that let me bring home a real affection for the country.
Have a good day!
Clyde
I have truly enjoyed reading this incident. Rude people exist everywhere. Continue giving out your cards, especially if you believe that it is correct. I always remember a proverb that goes, “if you don’t can to be criticized, don’t do anthing.” And I believe that it perfectly applies to people like you and me who believe in making of this world a better place. I have experienced the same situation here in NC with other Latinos who see me as a gold digger when I try to spread out the good news about something. Keep it up amigo.
Juan
What can I add that has not been told by your other readers. By all means, keep on giving out your cards. The way I would look at it is that it is that lady’s problem, not yours. Your blog is an excellent source of information and way of your giving back to this community which many do not. Congratulations on your posts. Very well done.
Me, the other Charlotte. Maybe time to use my nickname: Charloe
(a wave to you, other Charlotte)
Don, your pointing this out, once again makes me feel that my perceptions are not skewed re: Boquete. Last January when Don and I revisited, just to re-check our first impressions from our visit, two years previously - see if maybe we’d gotten it wrong - I definitely realized (as my sister-in-law so aptly put it), that in Boquete, I was standing on the “wrong side of the buffet” as far as the majority of gringos we briefly intermingled with go. Should have been serving the gringos, not mingling.
Such a beautiful place. So many hideous McMansions littering the coffee fincas. What a waste. And unfortunately those who are condescending and rude, leave such a bitter taste in the minds of the people who’s country they are trouncing through. And as a result we all suffer from that collective stereotyping. That these white people are also rude to other gringos, is so telling in itself.
However, the Panamanians in Boquete were overall as fine as 99% of all Panamanians we’ve met all over Panama, including the wonderfully gracious staff at Hotel Iberia, (oops, guess that’s just in David), the owner of Villa Marita in Boquete, shop owners, restaurant owners, indigenous folks, grocery workers, and just about everyone strolling along the streets. Hola. Hola. Hola we all said, and smiled and waved in passing.
And I’m sure not all gringos are that way, up there in that beautiful mountain “paradise”. But, boy, so many are.
The sweetest non-Panamanians (gringos, if you can call British people gringos - have no idea??) we met in the Boquete area were the British couple who own and run “Paradise Gardens”. Seemed like excellent folks. Just a delightful experience. So gracious, intelligent, and doing noble work, and had a seeming sincere appreciation for their Panamanian staff/assistants.
In a big country like the U.S., you can better avoid bumping elbows in the “class clash”. But in a smaller environment, like an agrarian community like Boquete, it all can come clashing down.
One Panamanian I spoke with in Boquete told me a story about an incident when an enraged gringo in the local hardware store actually screamed insults, and pounded his fists on the counter, because he couldn’t get what he wanted. Call 911. Get that A…H… outta there.
I also witnessed a gringo “lady” in Romero’s in Boquete, railing on a young woman in the bakery dept. Seems this “lady” had bought a sheet cake for some big party. And “said sheet cake” had been dry and crumbly, and “totally inedible”. And “said lady” had been “completely embarrassed in front of her guests”. The young woman at the counter didn’t speak English…(gee, was she supposed to?). And the “lady” kept trying to use her (maybe three words) of Spanish, interspersed with much English, to communicate her dismay. Ad nausium (sp?). I was waiting, and waiting, to just buy a few dulces and some pan. So had plenty of time to just stand there and take it all in. Finally the “lady” gave up. And I got to purchase my items. The girl took it in stride. Seems she’d been there before.
Here’s a thought for you, “lady”, next time bake your own cake. If you’re so important, why in heck would you purchase a cheap “Safeway” cake for all of your important guests at your big to-do? We all know those supermarket sheet cakes are marginal at best. Something you feed “line-staff” at their office birthday party break, (yum, I’ve had a few). Maybe she doesn’t realize that. Probably only shopped at high-end supermarkets, and specialty stores in her past life.
For me, I just gotta laugh at those pompous fops. But, I like to write, and it’s all great material for a story. Goody, another ridiculous character, I think to myself.
Keep handing out those cards, Don. The joke’s on them. Enjoy the ridiculous clownish irony of these self-important bumblers. Maybe the term “white trash” shouldn’t be reserved for just poor white folk anymore. Hmmm.
OK. That was fun!
Stay well. Take care, Charloe
So? Did your post bring them any new visitors to speak of?
My girlfriend and I actually met Brittany and her parents tonight in El Valle, very nice people. As soon as her dad mentioned that Brittany had opened up an organic store in David, I knew I had read about it somewhere and after speaking with Brittany, we figured out it was indeed Chiriqui Chatter, and I don’t even live in Chiriqui!
I think they have had a few extra visitors because of the original post. They are nice folks.