By: Frank

Frank — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 23:24:56 +0000

I have it strictly off the record (with tongue firmly in cheek) that the U.S. is preparing a “one Columbia” foreign policy, similar to the “one China” policy it has followed since the late Forties. Just as the U.S. helped set up the Nationalist government on Taiwan but never recognized that it was separate from the rest of China, so the U.S. set up the Panama government but is now preparing to hint that it may still be part of Columbia. While secret negotiations about this have gone on for some time among the U.S., Panama and Columbia, the recent changes by Panama vis-a-vis its tourist visa indicates a cooling of Panama’s passion for the American presence and dollar.
In fact, as I understand it, the balboa may soon become attached to the Mexican peso, rather than the U.S. dollar, at a value of ten pesos per balboa. Mexico is expected to flood Panama with one, ten and one hundred peso coins and bills to facilitate a quick transition. Panama may then declare U.S. currency to be contraband and will confiscate all that it can discover. The recent changes in police investigatory authority apparently may have been in preparation for this change and may make Panama one of the wealthier locales in the western hemisphere.
When the administration let’s the new policy out, probably through Presidential misspeak, the oligarchy of Columbia has promised to triple its shipments of illicit product to the U.S. in ever purer quality. This is in line with the administration’s change in policy to allow those looking for a good time to receive it in spades–something of a stealthy preemptive strike against drug users. Along with this the Federal government is apparently preparing to bury OD victims in mass graves in Arlington National cemetery, not with the usual honor guard and trappings, but after midnight and with bulldozers.
The long term intent of these undertakings, as I understand it, is to deplete the demand for drugs in the U.S. by eliminating the end-users. Thus, in just a few months Columbia will settle down and become a hard-working capitalistic democracy, much like the U.S. and Iraq-of-the-future. As FARC and the like discover that the northern area of Columbia is settling down, they will strive to create a free trade zone in the border area between Panama and Columbian, probably in the area of La Palma. This move is expected to be supported by Venezuela, Brazil, Argentina, Bolivia, Chile, Ecuador and possibly Peru. The new wealthier southern horizons are also expected to begin drawing away much of the U.S.’s illegal immigrant population, solving a sticky political problem for the folks in Washington. Pretty much everyone is expected to live happily ever after, at least according to my Administration sources.

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By: Frank